“The second one is always harder.”

quote from a reader of the Carolyn Hax column:

Readers Dish on Family Dynamics

When my husband’s aunt died, I was devastated. Over the years we had become very close. She was kind to me and I admired and loved her.

When she died, my husband’s family closed ranks. I was not allowed to participate in planning the memorial service and no one seemed to understand how deeply I was grieving. It was especially hard because it was a few months after my mother died. In one summer I had lost a mother and a mentor.

At the funeral of my husband’s aunt, I broke down, and people were looking at me strangely and bypassing me to comfort the “real” family. The only one who understood was the minister who had officiated at the service. She pulled me aside and said, “The second one is always harder.” Those words meant a lot to me.

N.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/readers-dish-on-family-dynamics/2017/01/22/109c16fa-df43-11e6-918c-99ede3c8cafa_story.html