The Question

How do you deal with what is?

Jack Benny humor

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
~ Jack Benny

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.
~ Jack Benny

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
~ Jack Benny

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
~ Jack Benny

I Intend to Write It

"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."

~ Winston Churchill

Managing Conflict

Real peace is not the absence of conflict.
Rather, it is that state where conflict is managed effectively, efficiently and respectfully.

~ Author Unknown

Beatitudes of Reconciliation

Blessed are those who are willing to enter into the process of being healed,
for they will become healers.
Blessed are those who recognize their own inner violence,
for they will come to know non-violence.
Blessed are those who can forgive self,
for they will become forgivers.
Blessed are those who are willing to let go of selfishness and self-centeredness,
for they will become a healing presence.
Blessed are those who will listen with compassion,
for they will become compassionate.
Blessed are those who are willing to enter into conflict,
for they will find transformation.
Blessed are those who know their interdependence with all creation,
for they will become unifiers.
Blessed are those who live a contemplative life stance,
for they will find God in all things.
Blessed are those who strive to live these beatitudes,
for they will become reconcilers.

Sisters of St. Joseph, Concordia, Kansas

- as printed on the back of a Queen’s University,
Queen’s Theological College Resource

Christian One-Liners

Don't let your worries get the best of you;
remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
until you try to sit in their pews.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
but mosquitoes come close.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

When you get to your wit's end
you'll find God lives there.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

People are funny;
they want the front of the bus,
the middle of the road,
and the back of the church.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Opportunity may knock once,
but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Quit griping about your church;
if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

If the church wants a better pastor,
it only needs to pray for the one it has.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead.
So why should you?

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Some minds are like concrete —
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Peace starts with a smile.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

I don't know why some people change churches;
what difference does it make which one you stay home from?!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises"
are just sitting on the premises.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Be ye fishers of men.
You catch them — He'll clean them.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God doesn't call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God loves everyone,
but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

He who angers you, controls you!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

If God is your Co-pilot — swap seats!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Prayer:
Don't give God instructions — just report for duty!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The task ahead of us
is never as great as the Power behind us.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The Will of God never takes you
to where the Grace of God will not protect you.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

We don't change the message,
the message changes us.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

You can tell how big a person is
by what it takes to discourage him.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

~ Author Unknown

The Difference

I got up early one morning
and rushed right into the day.
I had so much to accomplish
that I didn't have time to pray.

Problems just tumbled about me
and heavier came each task.
"Why doesn't God help me?" I wondered.
He answered, "You didn't ask."

I wanted to see joy and beauty,
but the day toiled on gray and bleak.
I wondered why God didn't show me.
He said, "But you didn't seek."

I tried to come into God's presence.
I used all my keys at the lock.
God gently and lovingly chided,
"My child you didn't knock."

I woke up early this morning
and paused before entering the day;
I had so much to accomplish
that I had to take the time to pray.

~ Author Unknown