“I’m sorry to hear you feel this way.”

Carolyn Hax: Don’t hurl online foulness back — stay polite and exit the cesspit

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-dont-hurl-online-foulness-back--stay-polite-and-exit-the-cesspit/2017/01/10/290dee78-d455-11e6-a783-cd3fa950f2fd_story.html

quote, bold added:

By Carolyn Hax Columnist January 11 
Adapted from an online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: My adult niece, 40, posted a very nasty comment about me to a social-media site because of my stance that women and girls should NOT be judged on their looks. This stance was never communicated to her specifically, it is just something I occasionally reference.
She said of me: “She’s totally nuts. She’s got a ton of money, no kids and clearly no joy in her life, either.”
How do I get over the hurt, since I have no idea where the hate originated?
Family Member

Family Member: This sounds like the tip of the storyberg here, but, just going on what you gave me, I suggest you comment on her original nasty post so she knows you know what she wrote. Utterly without inflection, write, “I’m sorry to hear you feel this way.” That’s it, then block her on that site.
Whatever you may or may not have done to offend her, the fact that she responded this way is cowardly and completely on her. It also hints at a profoundly unhappy person, which also is about her, not you. The hate is her damage, not yours.
And the onus is on her to rebuild a relationship with you if that’s what she wants. In the meantime, heal by devoting your time and concern to people who welcome you — and civility — in their lives.

"It will all be OK in the end. If it isn't OK, it isn't the end."

"It will all be OK in the end.
If it isn't OK, it isn't the end."
~ author unknown

Unspoken thought of a grieving parent

"If you mention my child’s name, I may cry. But if you don’t mention it, you will break my heart."
~ author unknown

“Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.”

quotes:

“Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.”
~ St. Augustine (354-430)

“No Scientific Christian ever considers hatred or execration to be ‘justifiable’ in any circumstances, but whatever your opinion about that might be, there is no question about its practical consequences to you. You might as well swallow a dose of prussic acid in two gulps, and think to protect yourself by saying, ‘This one is for Robespierre; and this one for the Bristol murderer.’ You will hardly have any doubt as to who will receive the benefit of the poison.”
~ The Sermon on the Mount (1938) by Emmet Fox—a text that later became popular with Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), where the saying was disseminated widely.

In 2003, American actress and author Carrie Fisher wrote: “She’d worked so hard to turn her boiling grudge against Leland down to a low-simmering ache. It was best put by what she’d heard someone in AA say a few years back: ‘Resentment is like drinking a poison and then waiting for the other person to die.’”
Fisher repeated the quote in 2008 in her book Wishful Drinking.

“In fact, not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”
~ Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith (1999)

"Forgiveness does not mean ignoring what has been done, or putting a false label on an evil act. It means rather that the evil act no longer remains as a barrier to the relationship."
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
~ Lewis B. Smedes

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”
~ Mother Teresa (1910-1997)

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of  throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
~ Buddha in the Suttas (Buddhist scriptures)

many of these quotes are from
https://www.quora.com/Who-said-holding-a-grudge-is-like-drinking-poison-and-waiting-for-the-other-person-to-die

Revenge is an example of the sunk costs fallacy. Forgiveness is a decision to move forward regardless of sunk costs.

quote, underlines and italics added by blogger:

The Paradox of Revenge
Revenge originates from the primal need for self-defense. In today's world, it is often abused as a destructive and futile response to anger or humiliation. . . .
Most strategies for revenge fail because they attempt to change the past. Unfortunately once the damage is done and the injury, insult, humiliation, or other loss occurs, the clock cannot be turned back and the loss is permanent. In addition, the value of the loss to the offended is seen as much greater than any benefit gained by the offender. As a result the offense represents an unrecoverable loss to society as a whole. Successful strategies for revenge look far into the future and recognize that the cycle of vengeance and retaliation can only spiral toward tragedy and are best stopped before they are started..
Revenge is a doomed attempt to eliminate shame and increase stature by asserting dominance. It fails because asserting dominance does not increase stature, instead it usually increases violence. Also, remorse cannot be coerced, it has to be discovered.
Evidence indicates that forgiveness increases self-esteem and decreases anxiety.
Sunk Costs
Economics and business decision-making recognize sunk costs as the costs that have already been incurred and which can never be recovered to any significant degree. Economic theory proposes that a rational actor does not let sunk costs influence a decision because past costs cannot be recovered in any case. This is also called the bygones principle; let bygones be bygones. This recognizes that you cannot change the past. The fallacy of sunk costs is to consider sunk costs when making a decision. Sound business decisions are based on a forward-looking view, ignoring sunk costs.
Revenge is an attempt to recover sunk costs; it is an example of the sunk costs fallacy. Forgiveness is a decision to move forward regardless of sunk costs. Sound emotional decisions, like sound business decisions, are based on a forward-looking view.

http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/revenge.htm

Carrie Fisher Dies at 60

quote:
Iconic Star Wars Actress Carrie Fisher Dies at 60: 'She Was Loved by the World and She Will Be Missed Profoundly'
BY LINDSAY KIMBLE•@LEKIMBLE
POSTED ON DECEMBER 27, 2016 AT 12:44PM EST
http://people.com/movies/carrie-fisher-dies/
Carrie Fisher, the actress best known as Star Wars‘ Princess Leia Organa, has died after suffering a heart attack. She was 60.
Family spokesman Simon Halls released a statement to PEOPLE on behalf of Fisher’s daughter, Billie Lourd:
“It is with a very deep sadness that Billie Lourd confirms that her beloved mother Carrie Fisher passed away at 8:55 this morning,” reads the statement.
“She was loved by the world and she will be missed profoundly,” says Lourd. “Our entire family thanks you for your thoughts and prayers.”
Fisher was flying from London to Los Angeles on Friday, Dec. 23, when she went into cardiac arrest. Paramedics removed her from the flight and rushed her to a nearby hospital, where she was treated for a heart attack. She later died in the hospital.
The daughter of showbiz veteran Debbie Reynolds and entertainer Eddie Fisher, Fisher was brought up in the sometimes tumultuous world of film, theatre and television.
. . .
The star’s substance abuse problem was well-known, starting at only age 13 when she first started smoking marijuana, Fisher previously told The Telegraph. She said she later dabbled in drugs like cocaine and LSD. Fisher’s addiction was largely profiled in her 1987 best-selling, semi-autobiographical novel, Postcards from the Edge, which was later turned into a movie starring Meryl Streep.
“I never could take alcohol. I always said I was allergic to alcohol, and that’s actually a definition to alcoholism — an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind,” Fisher told the Herald-Tribune in 2013. “So I didn’t do other kinds of drugs until I was about 20. Then, by the time I was 21 it was LSD. I didn’t love cocaine, but I wanted to feel any way other than the way I did, so I’d do anything.”
In 1985, Fisher was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, she told the Herald-Tribune, and subsequently became an outspoken advocate for mental health awareness.
Throughout much of the ’90s, Fisher focused on her writing career, publishing Surrender the Pink and Delusions of Grandma. In addition, Fisher reportedly helped craft the scripts for numerous Hollywood films, going uncredited, for films like The Wedding Singer, Hook and Sister Act.

end of quote

You Forgot About Grace Again: How a Gracious God's Grace-filled Grace Graces Us All, by Mark Galli

The Galli Report - Dec. 23, 2016 email
Mark Galli, editor, Christianity Today

RE: imaginary top 10 books of 2016 by Christian authors :-)

"when one CT editor asked the staff what would be a book by Mark Galli that would make this list, one clever associate said: You Forgot About Grace Again: How a Gracious God's Grace-filled Grace Graces Us All.
Uh, I stand convicted. . . ."

Christmas past and present

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
~ Phyllis Diller

also read:

Christmas is a time when every girl wants her past forgotten and her present remembered.

Forgiveness has freed me of him completely

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"He is not a part of my life anymore. Forgiveness has freed me of that, of him completely. I'm not going to make him a lifetime partner."

THE REV. ANTHONY B. THOMPSON, whose wife was killed by Dylann S. Roof in the shooting at a church in Charleston, S.C.

New York Times, Dec. 16, 2016

go after what you want

“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.
If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.
If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.”
~ Nora Roberts

just beyond our comfort zone

"We can do anything we want, the trick is, it’s usually waiting for us just beyond our comfort zone."
~ Julia Pimsleur

“faire grâce” - to forgive

the phrase “faire grâce” in French means to forgive, to spare, to remit

"faire" means to make
“grâce” means grace or favor

"to see the light you have to feel a little heat"

"There's an old saying in Washington that sometimes 'to see the light you have to feel a little heat'"

"When you can't make them see the light, make them feel the heat."
~ Ronald Reagan
www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/ronaldreag383264.html

Decisively and with confidence

"A business of high principle generates greater drive and effectiveness because people know that they can do the right thing decisively and with confidence."
~ Marvin Bower

Ancient Healing Prayer

"Let us pray. God of heavenly power, by Your word You drive away all weakness and sickness from the bodies of men. In your mercy, be with Your servant now so that his (her) infirmity may depart, his (her) full strength and health may return, and he (she) may bless Your holy name. Through Christ our LORD. Amen."

~ Francis MacNutt, "Healing," Ave Maria Press, Notre Dame, Indiana, 1999, p. 69

"Jesus did not heal people to prove that He was God; He healed them because He was God."

~ Francis MacNutt, "Healing," p. 85

"Jesus saves us from personal sin and from the effects of original sin, which include ignorance, weakness of will, disoriented emotions, physical illness, and death."

~ Francis MacNutt, "Healing," p. 39

If you want to make peace . . .

"If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends.  You talk to your enemies."

~ Moshe Dayan  (1915-1981)

Healing and New Life

As Francis MacNutt says in his book Healing, Jesus came to free us “from sin, from ignorance, . . . from weakness of purpose, from disoriented emotions, and from physical sickness—from all the sickness, therefore, that destroys or lessens our humanity—in order to give us new life, a new relationship of love and union with his Father through the power of the Holy Spirit.  The saving power of Jesus frees us from all those elements of evil that prevent us from entering our new life with God.”

~ Francis MacNutt, Healing, Ave Maria Press, Notre Dame, Indiana, 1999, p. 39-40.

The most important thing in communication

"The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said."

~ Peter F. Drucker

“In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.”

http://www.nytimes.com/newsletters/2016/10/03/evening-briefing?nlid=14249205

“In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.”
Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said that advice on marriage, given to her by her mother-in-law on her wedding day, had helped in her career as well.

Receiving Grace

"Grace is something that if God doesn't give it to you,
you can't have it."

~ Author Unknown