When to submit and when to outwit

from It's My Turn: Life Lessons From the Wife of Billy Graham
Ruth Bell Graham, p. 59-60

Adapting

"Where two people agree on everything,
one of them is unnecessary."

A group of ladies from the "Tab," where Bill was student minister, gave me a shower shortly before we were married. Each of them wrote a bit of advice on a piece of paper and gave it to me. The above quote was the pick of the lot.

How often that saying came to mind and how necessary I felt!

I have met wives who did not dare to disagree with their husbands. I have met wives who were not permitted to disagree with their husbands. In each case, the husband suffered. Either he became insufferably conceited, made unwise judgments, tended to run roughshod over other people, or was just generally off-balance. However, it is a good thing to know how to disagree and when.

Here are a few suggestions out of my own experience:
First, define the issue (and make sure it is worth disagreeing over);
next, watch your tone of voice and be courteous (don't interrupt, and avoid rude, unkind, or unnecessarily personal remarks);
third, stick to the subject;
fourth, stick to facts; and
fifth, concede graciously.

As for when to have a disagreement, this takes both sensitivity and ingenuity on the part of the wife as well as the husband.

For one thing, it is not wise to disagree with a man when he is tired, hungry, worried, ill, preoccupied, or pressured. (That doesn't leave many opportunities.)

Nor does it pay to argue with your husband unless you are looking your very best. The woman who argues with her hair in rollers has ten strikes against her to begin with.

And avoid arguing when you are boiling mad over some issue. Sleep on it first, if possible, then try to discuss it calmly and objectively. Likely as not, by then you won't be able to remember what you were upset about in the first place.

A Christian wife's responsibility balances delicately between knowing when to submit and when to outwit. Adapting to our husbands never implies the annihilation of our creativity, rather the blossoming of it.