Stop, think, ask, wait

quoted from:
Tell Me About It Is boyfriend embarrassed about her?
By Carolyn Hax
Posted on Tue, Dec. 25, 2007, www.philly.com

Anytime you're faced with mystifying behavior - basically, anytime you find yourself wishing you could read someone's mind - use this formula:
stop, think, ask, wait.

"Think" means you entertain all possible conclusions, instead of just jumping to one;
"ask" means you don't accuse;
"wait" means you back off far enough to leave people room for an honest response.
. . .

Since you could "maybe" yourself into complete paralysis, it's OK to finish up the thought process by reminding yourself there could still be other reasonable explanations that haven't occurred to you.

At this point, you're wondering: Isn't it easier just to ask? Yes, of course. But people fudge their answers more when they feel cornered, less when they feel safe - and since the whole point of asking is to hear the truth, you want him to know it's safe to be honest with you. And the most reliable way to accomplish that is to approach him with your mind genuinely open to whatever he has to say.

And so you conjure all these possible explanations beforehand as a way to prop open your mind. Then, you drop your defenses and ask: What's going on?