01 - I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
02 - I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
03 - Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
04 - Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
05 - Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
06 - I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
07 - My reality check bounced.
08 - On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
09 - I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
10 - You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
11 - Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
12 - Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
13 - Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
14 - A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
15 - Don't be irreplaceable-if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
16 - After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
17 - The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
18 - You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
19 - Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
20 - People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
21 - If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
22 - When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
~ Scott Adams
No comments:
Post a Comment