Trust

Cara Wall, The Dearly Beloved: A Novel, Simon & Schuster, 2019, Kindle pages 207-8

quote:
They went to service at her church, and James was spellbound by her father’s presence. He was not only in the pulpit but was, somehow, also of it—an alloy of man and minister, fearsome and approachable, exacting but kind. James felt the tension of the current, upheaving times in the church, but also the long rudder Nan’s father had put in the water, his strong hand on the wheel. He wondered how he would ever attain that wherewithal, that command.
When he asked Nan’s father about it later, in the same office in which they had sat once before, her father said, “In my opinion, the most important job a minister has is to become a man who can lead his congregation through difficult times.”

“This,” her father continued, “requires you to become someone they can trust.”
James flinched; it was a quick and sudden cut. He saw, instantly, that he was not that man for his congregation.
“Nan tells me you are the one causing trouble at your church.”
James nodded.
Nan’s father shook his head and sighed. “That’s one option—standing for what you want to stand for. If you stick with it, you’ll earn people’s respect. But if you want to earn people’s trust, you can’t chastise those who disagree with you. You have to include everyone—no matter how misguided they seem to you. You have to give them time to say their piece, look them in the eye, and give them credit for it.”
James said, “That is the very last thing I want to do.”
“Then you’re an activist, James, and you should quit the ministry.”
James flinched again. He had seen, in this trip, what Nan had lost in marrying him. In marrying her, he had lost the freedom of choosing any other profession. And he did not regret it. “That’s the other very last thing I want to do.”
“A divided congregation will always turn on itself, James, and then what use will they be to the outside world?”
It was exactly what Nan had been trying to tell him. As he watched her brush her hair before bed that night, leaning against the edge of the dresser, he said, “Your father is a wise man.”
Nan turned to him and smiled. “I know.”
“I haven’t been so wise.”