Isolation and False Fronts

June, 2010 (Web-only) Christianity Today
www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/juneweb-only/32-51.0.html

Learning from the Gores about the Grace of Separation
Why separating can be pro-family.

Earlier this week, Al and Tipper Gore announced to a small circle of close friends via e-mail—and thus to the world—that they are separating after 40 years of a seemingly very happy and successful marriage. . . .

By separating, the couple is making a bold statement. Whether they realize it or not, the announcement of separation does not necessarily say the couple is giving up (that is what divorce would mean). Separation at least leaves room for the possibility of restoration and reconciliation. The couple can enter their time of separation intending to air out the anger and hurt that has built up, then commit to entering individual counseling to work through their problems. . . .

There is another important reason why separation can be a gift to a marriage: It lets the cat out of the bag and gets our community involved. That truth—that one marriage can affect another—is why we are talking about the Gores. It is an important gauge of how much we value marriage when even hardened political reporters are mourning the Gores' news and expressing collective romanticism and hopefulness about what marriage should mean. Even The Washington Post lamented passionately this week, "Please Al and Tipper, don't do this. For our sakes—don't!"

And here we find one of Satan's most potent tools in killing marriages: isolation and false fronts. All of that is smashed to pieces when a couple announces they are seeking separation before divorce. It gives our friends time and space to get into our business. This is profoundly healthy and should come as no surprise—after all, our Trinitarian God is inherently about community, accountability, and investing in one another, while Satan is all about loneliness, abandonment, and shame. Separation can be an opportunity to bring godly counsel and support into the marriage, as it serves to bring the relational infection out into the healing light.

~ Glenn T. Stanton, Director of Family Formation Studies at Focus on the Family and the author of Why Marriage Matters and My Crazy, Imperfect Christian Family (both NavPress).